Why You Were Not Picked (and how to get picked next time)
"I just want to know... why?" is a question that my friend was asking himself (once he got over the previous stages of grief) when he was again passed over for the next role in leadership he was going for. Objectively, the other person was less experienced, less compelling, less engaged than him.
My friend was stuck because he believed the advice of gurus and textbooks that you get promoted in leadership because you show strong performance, you solve problems and then pitch yourself to the right people. Following this blueprint got him nowhere, except getting him burnt out and angry. He was angry that "they were not fair" and he eventually concluded that the existing leaders were deeply flawed people, who did not truly care about the organization. And in his mind that was "why he was not picked".
This is a dangerous conclusion because it is so right on the outside. Of course everyone is flawed in more than one way, and our flaws are much more obvious to other people than to ourselves, no matter how hard we try to be great. This conclusion is also dangerous because it makes us feel good, by absolving us from responsibility to evaluate ourselves -- by virtue of the fact that we are in pain. Because we are hurting (due to the rejection/ setback... what have you), and they are not, therefore, we do not carry the burden of needing to be evaluated. This logic is not 'reasonable', it is 'emotional'.
In my Leadership Mastery workshops we go deep into this and help untangle these emotions so that you can show up differently next time - and that is the key to stepping up in leadership and winning.
Depending on the company, you don't actually have to be the most senior, the most productive, even not the hardest worker - if you show that you: understand and value the culture, you can help the team advance, and you are someone that they can trust. Notice that all of these require a level of experience, seniority and achievement but are not fundamental to that. The more important element is the one where other people develop confidence that it's a good experience to work with you and that you can produce the results they want.
I break this down into: Self Mastery, and Team Mastery.
Self Mastery: based on you you are showing up as a leader, you will receive a response from your team. In this part we are gaining clarity on the source of your motivation and purpose, understanding your strengths and how you’re holding yourself back, and finally learning tools on how to regain perspective and self-safety on a regular basis.
Team Mastery: you’re not a leader if people don’t like you, don’t believe you or don’t want to listen to you. Team mastery is how you show to those around you, so that you can create results that are bigger than any one individual; this is where you learn how to create consensus and getting along with diverse groups.
There's no need to beat yourself or anyone else up over a missed opportunity or being passed over, because from this point on, you will show up in a way that it will be clear that you're the right person for the next job. DM me if this article resonated with you, I look forward to hearing from you.
Takeaways:
Your success in entirely in your own hands, if you are willing to evaluate yourself
Leadership is a skill that can be learned
Mastering yourself and teamwork is the foundation
Next Steps you can take...
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