Leadership and Empathy

Leaders are cold and callous people. The narcissists and bullys get the biggest jobs. The empathetic people don't make it to leadership or they will have to learn to be cold.

Do you believe this?

Research shows that people who are caring and empathetic gain social power, but once they have power, they become less empathetic. Why is that?

So I went to work the other day and the day started on the wrong foot. I carried an emotional load that was still heavy. I was sad, angry, hurt and feeling unloved. But I straightened my face, closed off my heart and went to work. The first conversation of the day ticked me off even more and when the next thing was not in my office exactly as I imagined, I responded with strength.

I couldn't take any more pain and I couldn't deal with anyone else's emotions. My own had filled all the space.

The rest of the day was rough and I went to bed with a huge headache.

But I also knew that I had to deal with my emotions in order to move past this and show up the next day as a better leader. And I did that. Ten years ago though it would have been impossible for me to have this awareness and self care process. Ten years ago I had no idea what I was feeling, I thought that being 'tough' was the only way to make it.

So if being empathetic is what gives you social power but you cannot be empathetic to others if you have not taken care of yourself first, then you will use your power to get things done, in order to not deal with anyone's emotions. We, leaders, want to be strong and put together at all times. But we don't know how to do it and we pretend to be whole when we actually feel broken.

Leaders are humans and the world needs humans who care. Caring about others starts with turning inward.