You're a Leader. Now, what's your story...?
All about your leadership comes from your story. Let me tell you mine and I'd love to hear yours.
It was a regular work afternoon when my manager came to my office and told me that another person complained about me, because I was "pushy and disrespectful" to the staff and "directing them to do things they were already doing"... "In fact some of them were getting ready to leave" because of me, she said.
I heard this complaint before and by then was very sensitive about it. I felt as if I was walking on eggshells whenever I would open my mouth asking for anything to be done for me - from the people whose job it was to do that! I was being mindful about the words I said. I would try to do some small talk in between work, even though that's not my style. I made sure I checked if they were busy before asking for anything. Frankly it was getting very tiring. In addition, it turns out, everyone was just as mad at me as before! I did EVERYTHING and there was no winning!
This time, I told my manager, this has nothing to do with me, and can we please evaluate THEIR behaviors and attitudes instead of blaming me? In reality, I wanted to scream and cry inside. Something much deeper was agitated, something fundamental about belonging and worthiness. Maybe I have to move on and find a different culture, or maybe I'm just unfit as a person I thought to myself as tears started to flow when she left my office.
I closed my door and realized that I felt a familiar punch in the gut, I remembered this feeling but didn't know from where. Images from childhood flashed in front of me, images of my parents being mad at me for something I didn't understand. I remembered that feeling of unworthiness and not belonging back then. In that moment, this pain was too much to bear. Back then I numbed my feelings but this time it wasn't working and almost as if the floodgates opened the pain flooded me. I wanted to numb it again but couldn't.
That's when I realized that there was a deeper story at play here and I had a choice: to keep going as usual, walking on eggshells and still failing, or to uncover the pain and rewrite my character.
A week later, I told my manager to please communicate with the staff what my expectations from them were, and that I would take care of the rest. What I did next was not easy. With the help of a coach, I started to learn how to put the responsibility for feeling worthy and included on myself instead of others. And with that subtle but powerful shift, I no longer needed to play games to make people want to work with me or like me.
Leadership Mastery starts with Self Mastery.
Takeaways:
Mastering yourself is the foundation of your leadership
If you don't understand your own story, it is hard to know how to respond to problems
You can uncover and heal the painful parts of you
Next Steps You Can Take..
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